The Many Faces of Abuse by Joan Lachkar

Author:Joan Lachkar
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Jason Aronson, Inc.
Published: 1998-05-02T00:00:00+00:00

THE HIGH-FUNCTIONING PARTNERS

OF BORDERLINE ABUSERS

Conflict is ever-present in even benign borderline/narcissistic relationships. These opposed personality types have many distorted views about the nature of healthy and unhealthy dependency needs. Through their unconscious evacuations and projections into the other, they mold to each other’s psychopathologies. The borderline’s envy and overwhelming need for relatedness, combined with boundary diffusion and lack of impulse control, draw him to the overly entitled, narcissistic, high-functioning woman who appears to “have it all.” Additionally, since the borderline does not believe he is lovable or deserving, he is impelled to pursue someone who keeps him forever connected to the non-deserving rejected self. For a while, the borderline can act at being the perfect mirroring object for the narcissist, but because of his inability to contain or sustain either self or other (Lachkar 1984, 1997), the borderline cannot fulfill the promise.

What causes anxiety for the borderline is not the same as what causes anxiety for the narcissist, and this qualitative difference is essential not only in making diagnostic distinctions but in offering appropriate therapeutic responses. For the borderline, inner turmoil and confusion torment the psyche; such chaos appears to be absent in the narcissist. For the narcissist, her archaic dependency needs evoke the greatest anxiety. With the borderline’s impaired sense of self, he becomes the ideal recipient for the narcissist’s projection of her faulty parts, allowing her to maintain her grandiose and perfect self. The narcissistic, high-functioning woman is attracted to the borderline’s apparent selflessness and availability (because he has split off his needs), and his willingness to do almost anything to receive the relatedness he desires. These aspects within the borderline emanate from his envy and basic sense of shame, and provide the narcissist, at least in the beginning, with pretense of a perfect mirroring object.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.